Dark Night of the Soul

From Feb 2016

This morning, I had a dark night of the soul. Yes, that’s right.
This morning.
Not still having.

I’ve had a bunch of healing this past week, received some toxic, triggering txt messages, got taken through an experiential astrological process and connected with the Goddess Pallas/Athena. Then I had a restorative yoga session last night, and that seemed to open up a lot of ease in mental processing for me.

Many past and current situations came up for review, and it was clear how differently I can view this stuff now. So much of the judgement and emotional charge is gone. My lenses are so much clearer. I can’t remember half of what came through to be witnessed this morning. It is just gone.

And then I got tipped into a bit of exhausted light worker overwhelm.. I let myself feel a bit sorry for myself. I had some dialogue with “Upstairs”. I let all of the feels wash through me.. I processed physical pain. (I haven’t had to that in ages, but it seems some older stuff is coming up again just now..)

I honoured what I was going through. I saw it for what it was. I acknowledged my fears and my desires and my frustrations.. I let myself cry. I let myself be witnessed, held and loved. And I let my exhausted body rest.. For the first time, I didn’t push myself, because I had an obligation to meet. I trusted that it would be OK, or it would not.

It probably took 3 hours, all up. It once would have taken me weeks, maybe months to process just a fraction of that stuff.

Today, I had worked through it all by 9.50am. I turned on my phone, took a call to book a new client, and was on Skype by 10am.

Admittedly, I worked from bed, and was still in my dressing gown (it’s alright. This client was fine with that), but I was totally in my coaching/practitioner zone. There was nothing forced or fragile about me.

I’m proud of the fact that I can process through it that quickly now. It has taken years of hard work to get there. I’ve been in and out of hell, more times than I can recall. The thing is, it never stops. Personal growth is not really an “are we there yet?” Kind of thing. You just get to drop deeper down. There are always new levels to greet. Always new parts of yourself to explore. Always more to let go of. That’s what we are here for.

I would never want to go back to where I was before. The pay-off on this side of the equation, is well worth the temporary discomfort of processing. Want to know the words that I hear people most often use to describe me these days? Alive. And real. And radiant. And inspiring. I kind of like that. I’ve worked hard to become this woman.

So, don’t get disillusioned when it gets hard again. When it feels like you are going backwards. We are all there. It is happening for all of us. It is just a part of the journey. It will be fine. But, if you need help to get through it all faster, and more efficiently and want to be guided by someone with hard won experience and results, not just world class training across a range of disciplines.. Then get in touch.

*Photo by Masha Raymers from Pexels.